Saturday, November 04, 2006
Welcome
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Wednesday, November 22, 2006
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My son just turned 18 months. I am a stay-at-home mom. In the last couple of months I've started occassionally (every other or every third week) taking Jack to friends houses and dropping him off for a couple of hours in the morning. He knows both the parents and their kids who are similarly aged.
Last week there were two occassions when we needed a sitter. On Tuesday a friend came over in the evening and stayed with him for a couple of hours and on Friday another friend picked him up in the morning from our house and took him to hers and a couple of hours later returned him home.
Later that same day he started caring this small box with handles away from me and saying very clearly "goodbye" "goodbye" and even waving sometimes. He's continued to do this at various times throughtout the weekend to both me and my husband. I assume he's acting out this event so he can make sense of it. But in some ways it's breaking my heart thinking that leaving him is so traumatic for him that he is now doing this behavior in order to deal with it. And also I don't know how to respond to this behavior.
I should say that when we do part it hasn't been overly or overtly traumatic. Our ritual in the morning when Daddy leaves is to say goodbye with hugs, kisses, "be safe and have a good day" at the door and then go to the window and wave as Daddy gets into his car and drives off. I have my friends repeat this ritual when I drop him off at their houses or when I leave from my house. They report that there has been a little crying immediately but it quickly ceases or there is no crying until later when he might cry or get sad or ask for mommy. They say this too usually passes with some cuddling. He does ask for his Daddy even when he's at home with me.
Just wondering how to approach this interesting behavior -- what to make of it and what my response should be?
Thank you,
Jill
Last week there were two occassions when we needed a sitter. On Tuesday a friend came over in the evening and stayed with him for a couple of hours and on Friday another friend picked him up in the morning from our house and took him to hers and a couple of hours later returned him home.
Later that same day he started caring this small box with handles away from me and saying very clearly "goodbye" "goodbye" and even waving sometimes. He's continued to do this at various times throughtout the weekend to both me and my husband. I assume he's acting out this event so he can make sense of it. But in some ways it's breaking my heart thinking that leaving him is so traumatic for him that he is now doing this behavior in order to deal with it. And also I don't know how to respond to this behavior.
I should say that when we do part it hasn't been overly or overtly traumatic. Our ritual in the morning when Daddy leaves is to say goodbye with hugs, kisses, "be safe and have a good day" at the door and then go to the window and wave as Daddy gets into his car and drives off. I have my friends repeat this ritual when I drop him off at their houses or when I leave from my house. They report that there has been a little crying immediately but it quickly ceases or there is no crying until later when he might cry or get sad or ask for mommy. They say this too usually passes with some cuddling. He does ask for his Daddy even when he's at home with me.
Just wondering how to approach this interesting behavior -- what to make of it and what my response should be?
Thank you,
Jill
I wanted to add something unrelated to any of what's posted and couldn't figure out where to intoduce a new idea so I put it here. I think this blog is such a great idea!
This is what happened to me and my six year old daughter last night after a very busy day. After dinner we were sitting at the dinner table playing a whistling game of name that tune. After about 20 minutes of joyful whistling and guessing the game took a turn for the worse. Last time we played I marveled when my daughter came up with tune after tune that had multiple lyrics (she's a genius!) I said to myself. This time, I don't know why, I said "if you whistle a tune and I guess the original song then I got it right." She said that wasn't how to play the game and I didn't fight it. I slipped away from the table to rinse a few dishes. I was unable to guess what she was whistling three times in a row. The fourth time she whistled I burst into the song that I thought it was (but I wasn't too sure). "That's not it! and now you made me forget what it was." "If you forget what it was then it's my turn!" I said mischieviously. No mommy! she yelled. Now everything was funny to me and I started singing the song "It's my turn" sung by Diana Ross and I kept trying to make my daughter laugh but nothing I did was making her laugh, in fact she was crying. She ended up throwing a shoe at me and then throwing herself on the bed to cry. I approached her: you have an unmet need: what are you trying to tell me? I asked. She shouted through her tears "I'm trying to teach you not to be violent!" This made me laugh still. "By throwing a show at my head?" I laughed more. "I wish I had never been born!" she said. This got my attention. But it took me awhile to throw off my giggles. In the end I said "I lost four times and I didn't like it." and then just like in the little critter book where the cousin tips over the checker board I ended the game by making jokes and you were trying to tell me that what I was doing wasn't fair but I didn't listen.
She was satisfied with my version of things and a peace fell between us and she fell asleep in my arms. It felt great.
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This is what happened to me and my six year old daughter last night after a very busy day. After dinner we were sitting at the dinner table playing a whistling game of name that tune. After about 20 minutes of joyful whistling and guessing the game took a turn for the worse. Last time we played I marveled when my daughter came up with tune after tune that had multiple lyrics (she's a genius!) I said to myself. This time, I don't know why, I said "if you whistle a tune and I guess the original song then I got it right." She said that wasn't how to play the game and I didn't fight it. I slipped away from the table to rinse a few dishes. I was unable to guess what she was whistling three times in a row. The fourth time she whistled I burst into the song that I thought it was (but I wasn't too sure). "That's not it! and now you made me forget what it was." "If you forget what it was then it's my turn!" I said mischieviously. No mommy! she yelled. Now everything was funny to me and I started singing the song "It's my turn" sung by Diana Ross and I kept trying to make my daughter laugh but nothing I did was making her laugh, in fact she was crying. She ended up throwing a shoe at me and then throwing herself on the bed to cry. I approached her: you have an unmet need: what are you trying to tell me? I asked. She shouted through her tears "I'm trying to teach you not to be violent!" This made me laugh still. "By throwing a show at my head?" I laughed more. "I wish I had never been born!" she said. This got my attention. But it took me awhile to throw off my giggles. In the end I said "I lost four times and I didn't like it." and then just like in the little critter book where the cousin tips over the checker board I ended the game by making jokes and you were trying to tell me that what I was doing wasn't fair but I didn't listen.
She was satisfied with my version of things and a peace fell between us and she fell asleep in my arms. It felt great.
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