CNVEP Forum

Oh two year olds!! THey have the ability to push our buttons! I think it is important to look at the first sentence - "our will vs. our 2 year old will". The 'vs" frames the clothes struggle into who is going to win and that sets us down a path of power over. How to reframe the "struggle" with clothes into a process of learning the difficult concept of when you can run around naked, when you do need to put clothes on. A big mystery for a little 2 year old! When "he has' to have clothes on, it maybe that it is a "forceful time"- what makes it nonviolent is the empathy processing - rather than anger and blaming. I would make a book about clothes - 3 or 4 pages, stick figures (if one is not an artist) Jenny's book about getting dressed.... - times to be naked, times to get dressed, mama, daddy help.....etc. Power over is different than the protective use of our power - Parents do need to make the appropriate decisions - they have the brain development to think these problems through and then we need to act, in this case to keep the child warm. Protective use of power rather than demand, without caring or giveng of empathy
Ruth CNVEP
 

I logged on this evening because I had a similar question. This evening, our 16 month old wanted to explore the vaporizer. I let him look, and touch the steam rising a distance from the nozle, but his curiosity led him to move closer and closer, finally putting his fingers to the steam outlet. I cautioned him, advising "that is _hot_...ouch! The vaporizer is not a toy; please don't play with that." However, he persisted in his explorations--probably testing me--and ultimately laughing (perhaps regarding our interaction as a game). I sat there thinking, "hmmm...what should I do? I don't want to discipline him, but I feel ineffectual. I feel that I am not being heard." Finally, I told our child that if he couldn't resist playing with the vaporizer, then I would have to help him." However, when he persisted and I picked him up, he struggled mightily to escape my grasp. Fortunately, I was ultimately able to sooth him, and he lost interest in the vaporizer--for now. But I am left with a yearning for additional strategies to communicate my sincerity about the seriousness of behaviors that might bring our child harm.
 

in response to anonymous......isn't it a bummer that it doesn't feel good? I so want the result of going through a process like you went through to feel good in my tummy.
I try to "feel good" about the big picture, you didn't make your kid the problem, you just helped him through a saftey vs. inquisition challenge.
I've spent most of my life trying to avoid any kind of conflict, but it turns out that my kids don't. It feels icky - but I'm starting to be able to take it out of the context of a grown-up conflict....if you just went through that with your partner it would be a terrible night of conflict.....but with your kid it's just part of the big love teaching picture.
 

First- which situations require dressing? Sometimes when I consider that, I realize that the struggle isn't necessary. (Example- we're about to walk to the playground. Really, if my daughter doesn't get dressed, staying home is fine.) Second- can he communicate why he doesn't want to get dressed? Is it the process, or that clothes are uncomfortable? Most likely it's not one of those solvable issues, which you've probably already tried to identify, but just asking. :) Third- have you tried getting/ making clothes he REALLY likes, perhaps because they have his favorite animal or flower or whatever on them? (That'd work with my daughter, but probably wouldn't have with my son.) Fourth- have you let him go out inappropriately dressed for the cold? My kids nearly always reconsidered pretty quickly after we let them give it a try, but I realize not all kids would!

Good luck-
 

Hi-ya i am new on here. I stumbled upon this board I find It extremely accommodating & it's helped me out a great deal. I hope to contribute & aid others like it has helped me.

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